“Without you, I fall apart.
You’re the One that guides my heart.
Lord, I need You, Oh, I need You,
Every hour I need You.
My one defense, my righteousness,
Oh, God, how I need You.”
--“Lord, I Need You” by Matt Maher
This morning every time I stopped to look at
the clock, I felt sick, so I decided to write instead. Then before I could finish this post,
I just got the phone call I needed: my friend’s husband called to say her surgery went well and she was in
recovery. Sadly, though, the surgery was a foot amputation. We found out two
weeks ago today that she’d have to have this surgery. We just didn’t know when.
Until yesterday afternoon when the doctor told her it would be this morning.
Somehow that just didn’t seem long enough to come to terms with something this
monumental.
As I tried to support my friend over the last two weeks, I spent more
time in deep prayer and scripture meditation than I had in a while. Pain and
suffering will take you there. The needs of someone you love deeply will drive
you to your knees, seeking God’s grace and mercy. I didn’t want her to have to
endure one more surgery, one more loss, so I begged God for a miracle. But He
didn’t provide one in the way I intended.
I wanted Him to save her foot and leg.
Instead, He filled her so full of His spirit and strength, I could hear it and feel
it, even from 200 miles away, when we talked on the phone. Despite some moments
of fear and grief, my friend had such a positive outlook. There was no hint of
bitterness or self-pity. Instead, she simply exuded the peace of God, the peace
that passes all understanding. Walking through this ordeal with my sweet friend,
I’ve been reminded that not only do I need the Lord every day, but I need Him
every hour of every day. And when challenges threaten to overwhelm me, like
Matt Maher, I can say that “when I cannot stand, I’ll fall on You, Jesus You’re
my hope and stay.”
